It’s hard to shake people’s belief. Even when presented with evidence, we want to belong. We want to believe in something. Believing in something means being part of a group that believes in the same thing.
Even when you are an outlier, you still believe in something.
It’s so deeply rooted in us. We are social animals. We crave belonging to a tribe. That’s why it’s hard to change your beliefs, even when change could make your life and work better.
We are emotional beings. Even though we think we are rational, we are not. Every decision we make is emotional. It’s tied to what we believe in. We hire people we like. We make friends with people who have the same beliefs as us. We think we are always rational, but we are not.
And this is one of the biggest mistakes we make when negotiating or trying to debate. We want to shatter somebody’s belief. Instead of really showing them what they are missing, joining them, and truly caring about them, we want to win.
We want to be right. Why? Because we believe in something, and we want others to believe in it too. Belief is ingrained in people’s identity. It’s tied to what they’ve seen and heard for years. It’s where they come from. Then someone comes along and says, “You were wrong the whole time.” What’s the natural reaction? Shut up, man.
Change is hard. Changing your belief is way harder. Changing somebody else’s belief is, most of the time, impossible.
Here are some tips we can employ to make change easier.
For Yourself
1. Believe in What You Want, But Stay Open:
Believe in what you want, but be open to different ways of thinking. Listen (it’s hard, I know) and try to understand why somebody thinks the way they do.
2. Avoid Confirmation Bias:
Don’t just endorse people who say the same things as you and avoid those who don’t agree with you. Look at the evidence and try to make an informed decision.
When You’re Trying to Change Somebody Else’s Beliefs
1. Ask and Actively Listen:
Understand their emotions. Ask why they believe what they believe.
2. Employ Empathy:
Feel for them. That’s the only way to truly understand somebody else’s worldview.
3. Spark Curiosity Instead of Imposing Change:
If you really believe they need to change their beliefs, make them curious about the change instead of forcing it on them.